Plethra Potpurri

I am leaving town. Tomorrow. At midnight. Technically, I leave in 24 hours. Well, 23 hours and 29 minutes if you want to be exact. I will be gone for 2 weeks. I plan on updating but dont expect too much.

I can finally come out. I have been beaming on the inside with a secret. I spilled it but didn't give all of the information a few posts ago but I can finally brag about who I work for. More than likely, you have never heard of him. His name is Junior Ray. He is an actor/musician/author/professional cowboy. And I now work for him.

This is what I did

Yea. Im pretty proud myself. However, that is NOT the final font that we went with.

I am THE personal graphic design artist for him. This little Myspace layout has brought me business cards and his website design. It will eventually lead to lots of other projects.

Plus, he advertises me. He likes to pimp out my work. He wants to bring me business!


I am a self taught graphic designer. However, I want to have a little more to back up muh skillz. So I think I have finally picked a school. Finally. I am just waiting to find out tomorrow if living in Germany will hinder my ability to go through them.

Crossing fingers.

My Current Irritation

I touched a little on this subject in my previous post about this next subject but I feel that it is time to bring it out into the open.

My biggest irritation ever is grown women who type like this:

TODAY i DiD THiS. <--- Seriously? The only letter you don't capitalize is the "I"?

Or how about this

tHIs kINd oF TyPing <--- irritates the living "eff" out of me.

I have no patience for blogs, Facebook, Myspace or Twitter updates that look like this.

Seriously, my 15 year old sister has better grammar than you.

Please pardon my current posts about my irritations. I have a short fuse and it could blow at any minute :)

Would you hire me?

As most of you know, I was a nanny for about 8 months this year. I was let go after the family moved to Alaska and have been enjoying the unemployment (sorta) life ever since.

Anyway, I found my job on Craigslist and every now and then, I find myself checking out the childcare ads. I am not really sure why but I also check out the housing rental ads too.

Call me crazy.

Anyway, I was perusing the childcare ads today and I was quite entertained.

First, if I was hiring a nanny, I wouldn't hire someone who

A. Can't spell
B. Can't use proper punctuation (some is ok because I am not the best either)
C. TyPeS LiKe ThIs
D. Just sounds ghetto

But today I stumbled upon a definite no hire for me.

The email was babygirlhott21@....

Seriously?

If I had that email I would leave my email anonymous.

Call me someone who judges books by the cover.

At least I can admit it and won't lie or sugarcoat it.

Yes, this person may desperately be seeking a job.

Most of us are in this lovely economy.

But the girl can't even spell hot.

Deployment? Me? What?

My husband had his briefing last week where he received a lot of the information that we will need.

I have been sitting here for a month now waiting for it to hit me that I am moving again. And not only moving but to Germany.

When he brought home a bunch of papers I was going through them all and I came across the deployment medical screening worksheet. After a minor freak out, I realized that the worksheet was for me and that is what they call a PCS overseas because that is basically what it is.

It definitely woke me up.

Anyway, made my appointment and it is Dec 23.

On another note, I got a new laptop. Pretty stoked. I was one of those crazy people that pulled an all night and hung out in the cold.

AND I am going out of town this weekend. Anyone want to come pack and do laundry?

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

I will pay you?

Ok. Maybe I won't?

No takers?

Fine.

You suck

:)

Marriage? Secure!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I don't know about you but ours was good. Good food. Good friends.

Good times.

I did go do some black Friday shopping. I ended up with a laptop! Just what I wanted.

I went with my friend Ben. And this is where the purpose of this blog starts.

Thursday night, Ben and I were talking about our "shopping adventure" that we were going to go on Friday morning.

At some point during the night, a friend of ours took Mat outside and asked if he was really ok with me going shopping with Ben.

I don't know about you or this person's marriage, but mine is as secure and honest as it can be. My husband trusts me and I trust him.

Ben would have brought his wife along but she had to work at 9am. And Mat would have come but he had to be at work at 7. Ben was off. I don't work.

We both wanted to go and we didn't want to go alone.

I guess I don't understand some of the insecurities that people have.

For me, if there is no trust, then there can't be a marriage.

What are your thoughts? Feelings?

Tuking Furkey

I have NEVER had a problem making a turkey. Of course, I have only made 1 prior to today so really, that isn't saying much.

I am not real sure how I was volunteered into making said turkey but I was.

About a week and a half ago I was shopping at the commissary minding my own business. I was in the cheeses picking up some yummy deliciousness. Out of the corner of my eye I spot her. She is big. Beautiful. Juicy. And her name was Amy. It was love at first sight really. I had to have her and wouldn't stop until she was in my freezer.

I scooped her up. She was 14.95 pounds of breast and thighs. Anyone would be lucky to have her.

I did a little jig when I checked out at the cashier. I carried her out to my car myself. I didn't want the stingy grocery volunteers to touch her.

Plus, I saved a couple of bucks in tips... Sue me.

I got Miss Amy home and opened my freezer. I should have known at that moment, this turkey would be hell.

My freezer was full. No room for Miss Amy. But not just anywhere would do for Amy. Oh no. She demanded requested that she make my freezer her new home. So I obliged and threw out foods to accompany her requests.

Every day I would check on Miss Amy and make sure she was comfortable. About 3 days ago, she requested to vacation in a warmer climate so I moved her south.

To the refrigerator.

Oh, Miss Amy loved this. She wallered (yes wallered. I am southern. What are you going to do about it?) in the warmth and praised the sun light every time the door opened.

Yesterday, she decided she wanted a nice cool bath. Again, I respected Miss Amy's wishes. What a demanding bitch good idea. She took turns flipping in her pool my sink for a few hours so she could finish thawing out.

Right before bed, I put her back in her little home in the fridge, told her goodnight and that I would see her in the morning.

When it came time to prepare Miss Amy for her fate, I gently pulled her out of the fridge. I then slowly pulled off her wrapper, de-juiced her (gross by the way) wiped her tears away and set her in the pan.

It was then that I realized I forgot the neck.

And the giblets.

I must say that I am happy that only once a year I have to get THAT up close and personal with a turkey. I am sure Miss Amy felt dirty and used but I did what I had to do to make sure that everyone was satisfied at the end of the day. I knew she would eventually understand.

She was ready. But then I noticed that she was looking a little wrinkly. I know that some people don't like wrinkles and Miss High Maintenance Miss Amy was no different. I just happened to have some cajun butter flavored botox injections. The injections were a little painful. It was hard to hear Miss Amy screech in pain but I reminded that there were so many who wanted to her to look her best. She obliged.

When we were done, Miss Amy decided to take a little more advantage of the spa. She requested an olive oil massage and a dry rub.

By the time she was done, she looked amazing.

It was then that I realized that the turkey was upside down.

I have no idea how I could have put Miss Amy in such an uncompromising position. I should know by now that Miss Amy is like most other turkeys before they go to... ahem... sunbathe.

Legs up.

After a few pictures exchanged on Facebook and email I did in fact determine that Miss Amy was upside down and flipped her over. There were no complaints from Miss Amy. She quite enjoyed the spa treatment again.

When we were finished, I got a little tear. It had been a good few weeks with Miss Amy and I hated to see her this way. So lost. So confused. She would have looked up at me but I had taken her neck from her. She didn't have the guts giblets to confront me about what was about to happen next.

I shoved her whiney, complaining, selfish and diva ass in my 325 degree oven.

It felt good.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

1 Thing I Am Thankful For

Today is Thanksgiving. I will be spending with amazing friends that I call family. I am a little emotional I suppose because this is my last Thanksgiving here with everyone.

Every year, it seems like everyone wants to sit back and say what they are thankful for. Yesterday I had a big long post of what I am thankful for and when I went back and read it, I realized something. There is only one thing that I am thankful for.

And that is...

Life.

The life I have been given.

When I think about where I have been, what I have done and seen where it has led me, I can't think of anything to be more thankful for than the life that I live.

I am truly happy finally. It took a few years but I have come to terms with everything that life throws at me. I know that I can handle anything that gets thrown at me. And I can do with a smile.

My life is a blessing. I am truly blessed with the friends, family, kids and husband that are in my life.

(even my dogs stinky farts, holy crap that stinks)

So, happy Thanksgiving to you and your family from mine.

No matter how dysfunctional they might be, we are still family!